Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
