Please, let me fuck your mom
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
