you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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