Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
