Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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