Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
