You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
