it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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