I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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