So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
