It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
