How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
