did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
