I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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