Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
