dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
