Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
