If that was your dad, he is hot
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
