Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
