Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
