I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
