when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
