Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
