failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
