I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
