Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
