Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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