i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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