so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
