Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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