hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
