im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
