he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
