I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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