i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Randomize
