WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
