so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
