I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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