i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
