No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Enjoy the penises
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Come on in and take your pants off
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