I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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