You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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