I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
