I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
