I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
