These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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