The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The power of my boobs compel you
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
