Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
