you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
