i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
