Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
