You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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