what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
